A small smelly hole in the floor

Yes, this is the era of equality and such but chivalry is timeless.Another thing, and especially if the accompanying lady is part of your troupe, is to slow down. Some might think this a great thing, while for others it’s a pain. So, slow it down. So if you want to ensure that the holiday mood lingers, look for a clean toilet and then guard it against uncouth co-traveling imbeciles. A small smelly hole in the floor isn’t going to get them in the mood for anything pleasant. Some might think this a great thing, while for others it’s a pain. My running and cycling gear functions similarly, so I guess I get it.Many of us have found ourselves on the road and in the company of a fellow traveller who happens to be a lady. If she is a stranger then this is crucial. Even if girls only let you feel stronger, revel in it. Divide the load into a 65:35 ratio.In cases where weight redistribution is not possible, always offer to carry the heavier bag. If you have 10 minutes to walk to the platform, factor in 15. It’s a mobius loop, I believe, and each time you revisit the same point, there is something else she can find to add. This is a very precise calculation. If there are shops at the station, add 15 minutes extra. Change the ratio and it slows you down overall. That only happens in Hindi films and even then the actors have training to do such stunt-duggery. A lady can never have enough. She takes the smaller and you both make great time. Either way, etiquette is mandatory in such a situation. That is most efficient. Rule of thumb: no arguments there.

The good thing is that women don’t smell, somehow managing to avoid bodily odours — something I can rarely say about the general Indian male population, even in business class — so the space you give will soon be filled with gentle wafts of something floral and fresh. I have now started buying backpacks that can accommodate two laptops! I am also secretly plotting to buy my lady a lighter laptop for her sake, of course!When stuck with an option of two modes of transport, choose the one with the cleaner toilets. You can’t just run and catch the train as it leaves the platform. Sure she can lift it, and keep up with you too, but you don’t want her to do that. I know the feeling, like when I was stuck on a weekend trip with only three pairs! Her shoes barely take up space and weigh less than my left shoe anyway!Make-up is one thing that really has no limit. The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine.Shoes. I have done this many times to statistically prove its foolproof-ability. Men can piss-cursive on any wall but women need to sit, or at worst, hover, through the entire performance. If one of them happens to be a shoe shop selling men’s shoes and I am traveling with you, add another 30.Never carry one big bag. Still from 100 Days of Love Many of us have found ourselves on the road and in the company of a fellow traveller who happens to be a lady.The first thing you must remember when a lady happens to be a co-passenger is to give her space. And if you know her, you will also know whether you are acquainted enough to be a shoulder-pillow gas lighter Manufacturers or just the causal grab-you-when-a-dog-crosses-in-front-of-the-vehicle person.

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